I have tried writing this post down a few times now. I have talked about acne numerous times here before, but this time it feels different and I’m reaching out for words.
I wonder how to explain myself to you in a way, that you would truly understand me. It’s a new story. One, where I’m not trying to get rid of my acne or even fight it. I just let it be.
Because finally, I have found the reason for my acne. It’s a hormonal thing. I’m not ready to go into details, but that’s also irrelevant now. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m just living my life with acne, accepting it.
If you have hormonal acne, there’s only so much you can do. A good skincare routine obviously helps, but it doesn’t cure it. If your skin is otherwise in good shape (besides the hormonal acne area), your routine is probably fine. You’re doing a good job taking care of your skin.
Say it with me:
Hormonal acne is not my fault
What I do want to talk about – and will – is that sometimes you have acne and it’s fine.
I want to talk about the acne, where you don’t battle it with a trillion different creams and medications. I want to talk about skin positivity, where your skin texture doesn’t even need to be singly acknowledged. It just is.
Pimples, blackheads, skin texture and scarring is just that. Skin. It might be your skin and that’s all it is. Maybe it’s not a problem and a shame, but rather a normal part of you, just like your eyebrows or your elbows?
And here’s an even crazier suggestion: what if your skin could be in great shape, while still having acne?
I argue that my skin is in a great shape. It’s not dry or oily. My skin texture and skin tone is quite even. If my acne had something to do with how I take care of my skin, it would show up all over my face. The fact that it’s focused on the hormonal problem area (jaw, neck) tells me, that I’m doing a good job.
I like my skin. I think it’s beautiful. I love my little freckles and I love how my skin looks like real skin. Even when I wear makeup, I want it to look like that – real. I have the option of concealing my acne spots, but I can very well not do that. It needs to matter to you. Not to other people.
If you want to know my skincare routine that suits my acne as well, check out my skincare 101 post.
It’s okay not to be a super human
I don’t worry about my acne, when I wake up, or when I take off my makeup. I don’t come up with new solutions to get rid of it. It just so happens, that I have acne, and I let it be.
But of course some days it bothers me. It’s only natural there are days where it frustrates me so much. It’s okay not to be a super human. Sometimes I feel small and frail. It’s those days my bra straps weigh on my acne spots and I have to change my outfit or my bra. It’s those days, where I wake up with blood on my pillow from an inflamed spot. I know, first world problems, but it’s one of those things that concretely reminds me of my acne, when I would like to not think about it at all.
Luckily this time around it’s not as painful and inflamed as it has been before. I’m thankful for that. At the same time I’m angry: why do I have to live with acne, once again? Haven’t I battled it not once, but twice already? And I know I know, how can you be angry, but at peace with this thing at the same time?
Let me tell you. It’s easy. You just are. It’s only natural to have all these feelings and it’s good to get them out. The real difference is that this time I’m not fighting it.
I have accepted my acne
In a way, I have accepted my acne. Though my acne is quite mild right now, compared to what I’ve had before. It also depends – the condition of my skin can vary drastically from week to week. Today, this week, my face is looking pretty clean. My back is more problematic though.
I have never felt this peaceful about my skin while having acne, because I’m not at war with it. If someone pointed out to me, that I have acne, I would simply answer: so what? And mean it one hundred percent.
So what?
Stop trying to fight. Maybe the best thing you could do is learn to love yourself even more. Learn to be even more compassionate with yourself. Learn to leave a dirty coffee mug on the table every once in a while. You’re not always in a hurry.
Because guess what? There is life with acne. A good, normal life. Your looks are not all of your personality. Ha, what a plot twist!
And when you hit a rough patch, and feel down about your skin, just turn away from the mirror. Look outside the window and remember that that’s where the important things happen.
I have acne and it’s not a flaw. It simply just is. Just like the purple lupines on the field, seagulls on the sky and the sea sparkling in the sun. It’s summer. And guess what? I plan on enjoying it and being as happy as I can.
For anyone out there dealing with a hormonal thing – I’m with you.
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