I have tried almost everything | Acne & me

hormonal acne blog

So, it’s safe to say I was wrong.

My recent battle towards acne with antibiotics seemed like it was working, and on this post you can see how happy I am with my skin and the results. And for some time, my skin was doing pretty good. I even told everyone about it – how antibiotics cured my acne and how my acne didn’t come back. I was even planning on doing a post about it – a little update on my skin and how it looked even better after the treatment. I didn’t think I would have to do another acne update, but here we are. I feel disappointed, but then again there are people who have gotten help from antibiotics, so maybe I had to try and see for myself. We are all individuals anyway.

As I said, for a long time I felt like my skin was doing amazing. I had some breakouts every once in a while, but I wasn’t stressing about them. There was a pimple or two and then they were gone. There were some major breakouts, but then it all settled down. Then there were more pimples.. and this time, they didn’t seem to go away. I feel like my acne came back super quickly, overnight. Bam, and it was all over my jaw again. Possibly worse, than ever.

I have to admit – seeing these photos for the first time was a shock. Is that really my skin? It sure doesn’t feel like it.

acne hormonal acne my experience  i have tried everything acne

Before I felt super down about the acne. It has been stressful and hard on me mentally. But I have kinda changed the way, that I think about it and how I see myself and how I talk about myself. Acne isn’t the first thing that I see, when I look into the mirror. And obviously, since it’s on my jaw I can’t even see it that well, than if it was on my forehead for example.

Maybe I’m tired of the battle – I don’t want to be at war with myself. I don’t want to waste any energy towards something as boring as acne. I’m focusing on the good things – the skin on my forehead, nose and cheeks. There my skin is beautiful. To me, it’s flawless. And then there are obviously other good things – not just my looks.

acne antibiotics and diet

My skin (and my mood) after the antibiotics.

To sum everything together, I did a little list. I have now tried almost all the ways to treat acne. Including

  • Isotretinoin
    I ate two rounds of some kind of isotretinoin drug – at least I’m pretty sure it was that, or at least one of them was. I can’t be sure, ’cause I can’t remember the names. This was when I was about 13 years old. Those did help a bit on each time, but then again it didn’t, so I’m horrified of ever trying this again.
  • Differin
    This was around my teens too, nope NOPE.
  • Birth control
    This did help and kept the acne at bay for seven years – damn my skin was perrrfect during those years.
  • Acnatac 
    It did help a bit and I blogged about it, read all on Acnatac tag.
  • Antibiotics 
    It did help at the time, but acne came back after. I did monthly posts during my four month treatment, check the Apocyclin tag.
  • Being wheat-free aka gluten free
    It was great for my stomach and maybe it did balance my skin ever so slightly, but it could also be the full moon, so I’m not convinced.
  • Being sugar-free aka ditch the sweets
    There are several times I have tried this for some weeks or maybe a month at a time, but I dread to inform you, that eating sweets every once in a while – say once a week – isn’t the reason for my acne.
  • Being dairy-free
    Now this is interesting. I think being dairy-free does balance my skin a bit. Then again I still get acne, so everything kinda sucks, don’t you think? Okay to be honest I like eating less dairy – it’s good for my health and actually this one makes sense, ’cause dairy can affect hormones and my acne is hormonal. But anyway you must be shocked, but being dairy free didn’t cure my acne.
  • Drinking lots of water
    Honestly?
  • Changing the pillowcase regularly
    I’m just kidding at this point.
  • Coconut oil
    Hahah you’re killing me

I mean, you can not not laugh at this at this point.

There are still some things I haven’t tried. So, let’s hope the next acne post shows the actual solution to my acne, which is clearly hormonal. You can tell my acne is hormonal, ’cause it started right after I quit the pill and it’s on my jaw – the typical place for hormonal acne.

But to get to the point or to end this post the way I want to end it, here’s something that happened: Last Saturday, fresh after sauna, Risto said to me: “You are beautiful” and then he put his hand on my chest right where my heart is and said “and you are beautiful in here too”. And that – ladies and gentlemen – is what matters in life.

acne makeup coverage

In this photo you can see, how my skin looks with makeup. Flawless elsewhere, on my jaw you can see the acne even through makeup.

Feel free to share your experiences with acne! This can be our little peer support place.

PS. I accidentally lost your comments. Thank you all for commenting and sorry!

I understand you

dresden germany by night

.. even for just a little bit.

I want to get back to the subject I wrote about recently, when I shared my story about severe depression (here). I’m not sure what I expected out of the post, but I’m beyond happy, that you took it so well. Apparently many people out there feel like it’s a good thing to talk about it. I think so too.

Depression is something I went through about five years ago. It feels like it was a hundred years ago – or happened in another life. I know some people think depression is chronical, but I think it’s also something that can be cured.

depression mental health blog

So why am I just now talking about it?

I think I needed those years to pass, before I wanted to think about the whole subject again. I couldn’t have written about it before – I wouldn’t have had the strength to or the right words. I still struggle with words, though. The topic is so fragile, I’m afraid I’m gonna break it. We all experience depression or anxiety differently. We all experience mental health differently. But what’s in common with all of us – is that we all do have mental health.

Nowadays I consider myself to be “depression free” (I don’t have any medications anymore, not for a few years now – and there’s not ‘depression’ on my health records  anymore), but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes struggle. We all struggle. If you break your leg once, it’s gonna be a little fragile for a while – and easier to break the next time, right? I’m forever carrying the painful memories and every once in a while I feel like I have to look back, just to remember that I’m on the right path and things could be so much worse.

In my blog I talk about superficial things. I share my makeup looks, my outfits. I travel and talk about the good little things. I spread positivity. But I want you to know where I come from –  I didn’t just get to where I am by walking on sunshine.

I want to keep talking about mental health every once in a while here. I want to conveniently – or not so conveniently – pair it with makeup posts and the beautiful products I love. I want to do style posts and share my outfit photos – because I don’t have to hide myself anymore and the smile you see in the photos is real. I want to tell stories about all the countries I’ve visited – because I never knew I was gonna be able to see them. I want to write, because it’s one of the gifts I have.

depression my story blog

I am so thankful for the life I’m living right now. I love my life. I no longer wake up in the morning and instantly want to get back to sleep – I want to get up and be there for myself and others. And even though I’m in a good place right now with my life, I still understand you. And I encourage you. You can do it too – I believe there is hope for everyone.

It doesn’t matter where you are now.

You may be curled up in your bed with all the curtains closed. You may be in a hospital staring at the blank walls and your quiet roomies. You may be broke. You may be broken. You may be holding your breath with nothing, but yesterday in your hands.

And the worst of all: you may be alone. You may be the most alone you’ve ever been, doubting your existence.

There might be a whole continent between us, but know this:

I understand you.

And one day, be it five years or ten years from now, you’ll understand too.

The pictures are from Dresden, Germany from July.  We did a quick visit to the city and in that time we got to see beautiful buildings, eat delicious burgers, see a festival (and sing along to some familiar songs) and drive 200 km/h on a freeway. The makeup photo is from a video tutorial, which can be found here.

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